Dear Borderline Personality Disorder,
You are always with me. That loud voice crying for relief. Crying out for me to cut myself. And, even sometimes, kill myself. I used to think you’d diminish with time. That over time, you would quiet. But the truth is, if I simply let you lie dormant, your voice doesn’t diminish – it gets louder. And my anxiety soars. And my depression grows deeper. And soon an anguish to hurt myself becomes an unquenchable addiction that takes over my whole life. And so, I’ve discovered, if I want to live, I have to fight for it with all I’ve got. I have to examine my thoughts and rewrite the truth. I have to take all my medicine. I have to journal my days so I can see where I am sabotaging myself. I have to have accountability. I have to have encouragement and friendship to spur me on. I have to actively work my Celebrate Recovery Program. I have to work my hardest for my counselor. And pray. Pray for God’s direction. His deliverance.
Child of God
You tell me I am helpless; but God is my helper. You tell me that this is more than I can bear; but God always provides a way out of temptation. You tell me that I am broken; but God is my healer. You tell me that I am hated; but God pours out His love for me; You tell me that there is no mercy; but God pours His grace over me.
Anxiety, you physical assault me. And you are a lie to me. But despite how I feel, God IS truth and I can stand on HIS promises.
Child of God
2 Peter 1:4
And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.
Dear Child of God,
I steal hope from you. And without hope, you are powerless, burdened, and ashamed. You are broken. You stare blankly into my eyes, and all you see is your fear staring back at you. That fear breeds an emptiness that aches so deep in your soul that you can’t see a way out. You FEEL defeated. You FEEL alone and worthless. But that’s not truth. You do not have to be enslaved to that fear and emptiness. God has better plans for you. Down in the deep of depression, the best and most precious gift that He gives is hope. And with God, there is always hope. Child of God, don’t surrender your gift of hope. You are worth so much more. God has great plans for you. He gives you, just as you are, a hope and a future.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
Dear Child of God,
Sometimes I whisper in your ear. Disguised as your own internal monologue. But sometimes, I use others to sabotage you. I’ve already convinced you that you do not have worth. But then, I enlist others to do my work for me. I don’t even have to whisper “worthless” or “broken” in your ear anymore. I use the judgment of others. And after being the sounding board of criticism and judgment for decades – you believe that’s how all other people think. You think judgment and condemnation are normal and it lays heavy on your shoulders wherever you go. It is hard to wrap your brain around an alternate reality. The true reality. Not a warped vision of the truth. A reality that says that those who are so judgmental are also deeply hurting and sick. A reality that says that you are NOT broken beyond repair or worthless in God’s sight. A reality that is kinder and gentler than one you had ever envisioned. And a reality in which, when those judgmental people do come, you can dismiss them. A reality in which you have a choice. You can choose to believe what the sick world says or what the word of God says about you. The truth that God dearly loves you. Hold that truth close to your heart. And when I try to contradict that truth… when I try to twist it – hold it up next to The Truth. And you will be set free.
Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. John 8:32 NIV