There are some days that you torture me so much that I am ready to tear my insides out. The emptiness and loneliness inside me becomes an all consuming fire. And that’s when I know that I need to check back into reality. I know, for a fact, that God has put people in my life who pour out His love me to me. And, most importantly, God chose me. I wasn’t an accident. He hasn’t forgotten me. And He hasn’t discarded me. No, the truth is, He chose me. I am precious in His eyes. Loved.
Child of God
But you are A CHOSEN RACE, A royal PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR God’s OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; 1 Peter 2:9
You tell me I am helpless; but God is my helper. You tell me that this is more than I can bear; but God always provides a way out of temptation. You tell me that I am broken; but God is my healer. You tell me that I am hated; but God pours out His love for me; You tell me that there is no mercy; but God pours His grace over me.
Anxiety, you physical assault me. And you are a lie to me. But despite how I feel, God IS truth and I can stand on HIS promises.
Child of God
2 Peter 1:4
And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.
I thought I had you under control. But you slither out from under me and attack me with all your might. Late at night, my insides are lit on fire….. my body hurts inside. My extremities are tingling or numb. I can hardly breathe. My blood pressure shoots up. And let’s face it, you practically take over my mind. I hate myself. I am lonely. No one cares. I say stupid things. I can’t believe I did that. I’d be better off dead. I press against my head hoping the spinning will stop. But it doesn’t. I am a horrible mother and wife. There is nothing I can do. I am so tired hallucinations surround me. And I have this fear that one is lurking behind me. My head is going to explode. I hate this. Others hate me. I am so hard to be around. I can’t keep up with anything. Every positive thought I’ve learned is a lie. This is who I really am. I hate it. I hate me.
You hurt me more than any other. You attack me long and hard. And, honestly, it’s so hard to keep faith that God will rescue me in these moments. But I know He will. He gives me the power to make it through the hard times.
He always has a way out.
Child of God
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out s you can endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13
Click on the link below……
You guilt me. Time and time again. You claim my faith is weak if I take medicine. Between you and my PTSD, anxiety, and borderline personality, I am fighting against a lot. And yet, you are a constant whisper in my ear trying to convince me that I am without faith if I treat my body. That I’d get better if I just believed God would heal me.
But we live in an imperfect world. A fallen world. A world in which we will inhabit imperfect bodies until He returns.
So, Depression, I choose not to believe your whispers oozing with guilt. Faith is very much a part of my recovery. And yet, weak faith is not the cause of my mental illness. My brain is not working correctly. And that’s ok. It’s not only ok, but it is good, that I can get help from a psychiatrist and a counselor.
Your guilty whispers no longer work. It’s over for you.
Child of God
Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned— Romans 5:12 NIV