Letters from the Child of God, Uncategorized

Dear  Borderline Personality Disorder,

You are always with me.  That loud voice crying for relief.  Crying out for me to cut myself. And, even sometimes, kill myself.  I used to think you’d diminish with time.  That over time, you would quiet.  But the truth is, if I simply let you lie dormant, your voice doesn’t diminish – it gets louder.  And my anxiety soars.   And my depression grows deeper.  And soon an anguish to hurt myself becomes an unquenchable addiction that takes over my whole life.  And so, I’ve discovered, if I want to live, I have to fight for it with all I’ve got.  I have to examine my thoughts and rewrite the truth.  I have to take all my medicine.  I have to journal my days so I can see where I am sabotaging myself.  I have to have accountability.  I have to have encouragement and friendship to spur me on.  I have to actively work my Celebrate Recovery Program.  I have to work my hardest for my counselor.  And pray.   Pray for God’s direction.  His deliverance.

Sincerely,

     Child of God

Letters from the Child of God

But you are A CHOSEN RACE, A royal PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR God’s OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;

Dear Depression,

There are some days that you torture me so much that I am ready to tear my insides out.  The emptiness and loneliness inside me becomes an all consuming fire.  And that’s when I know that I need to check back into reality.  I know, for a fact, that God has put people in my life who pour out His love me to me.  And, most importantly, God chose me.  I wasn’t an accident.  He hasn’t forgotten me.  And He hasn’t discarded me.  No, the truth is, He chose me.  I am precious in His eyes.  Loved.

Sincerely,

Child of God

But you are A CHOSEN RACE, A royal PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR God’s OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;    1 Peter 2:9

Letters from the Child of God, Letters to Anxiety

And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises

Dear Anxiety,

You tell me I am helpless; but God is my helper.  You tell me that this is more than I can bear; but God always provides a way out of temptation.  You tell me that I am broken; but God is my healer.  You tell me that I am hated; but God pours out His love for me;  You tell me that there is no mercy; but God pours His grace over me.

Anxiety, you physical assault me.  And you are a lie to me.   But despite how I feel, God IS truth and I can stand on HIS promises.

Sincerely,

Child of God

2 Peter 1:4

And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.

 

 

Letters from the Child of God

Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned

Dear Depression,

You guilt me.  Time and time again.  You claim my faith is weak if I take medicine.  Between you and my PTSD, anxiety, and borderline personality, I am fighting against a lot.  And yet, you are a constant whisper in my ear trying to convince me that I am without faith if I treat my body.   That I’d get better if I just believed God would heal me.

But we live in an imperfect world.  A fallen world.  A world in which we will inhabit imperfect bodies until He returns.

So, Depression, I choose not to believe your whispers oozing with guilt.  Faith is very much a part of my recovery.  And yet, weak faith is not the cause of my mental illness.  My brain is not working correctly.  And that’s ok.  It’s not only ok, but it is good, that I can get help from a psychiatrist and a counselor.

Your guilty whispers no longer work.  It’s over for you.

Sincerely,

Child of God

 

Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned—       Romans 5:12 NIV

 

Letters from the Child of God

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Dear Depression,

Sometimes your darkness swallows me and then gnaws at the core of my soul.  It hurts so deep and so hard.  Unbearable.  A consuming fire.  Your flames surround me.  You trap me, screaming at me that I am not worth it.  But that is where your power ends.  Because I know what God says about my worth.  You can set my emotions ablaze.  And rip my heart right out of my chest.  But as long as I know you lie, I win.  I know that God is unchanging.  And I know  His love for me remains constant.  I know I am His chosen.  So, keep raging with in me.  Go right ahead.  You won’t keep me down.  I have God on my side. You WILL still lose this battle.

Child of God

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7

 

 

Letters from the Child of God

Do Not be Afraid or Discouraged….. for the Battle is not yours, but God’s.

Dear Depression,

I hate you.  You really suck the life out of me.  Period.  You sneak up on me and send my brain spiraling out of control.  You consume me and I hate it…. a lot.

But that’s where your control stops.

Jesus is my deliverer.   So, even though you think you are winning, you are not.   Because no matter how defeated I feel, God is still working in me and through me.  That may be the only reason I keep holding on.

And even if I can’t make it anymore – you have still lost.  Because this was never my battle to fight.  God fights for me.

And He ALWAYS wins.

Sincerely,

Child of God

 

Do Not be Afraid or Discouraged….. for the Battle is not yours, but God’s.                                                                                                                                   2 Chronicles 20:15 NIV