I have Loved You with an Everlasting Love

Dear Child of God,

 I hate you.  It’s simple.  I want you dead.  If not physically, spiritually.  It all started with a little lie I whisper in your ear each morning, “I hate myself.”   You consider it your own voice but it’s not.  It’s mine.  But soon that whisper became a blaring siren that you awoke to each morning.  As your body and mind fell further and further into sickness possessed by anxiety that throbbed through your entire body and robbed you of all your peace and rational thinking, you began to act upon that loathing hate of yourself.   At first it was just a little cut.  But soon, it numbed your deep, deep pain.  And you would cut and slice and slit until a towel was soaked in blood.  Simply because I lied to you.  And you believed you were worthless and deserved to die.   I hide the truth in your emotional pain.  I don’t want you to know that God loves you with an everlasting love.  I  tell you that His love excludes you because you have fallen into such a deep, deep abyss.  But that not true.  He loves you.  He picks up the broken, bleeding, painful pieces.  And  because He is so gentle,  He whispers to you, “I have loved you with an everlasting love,” and He loves you into His gentle, sweet wholeness that only He could bring.

                              Sincerely,

                                       Depression

 

The Lord appeared to me in the past saying, “I have loved you with an everlasting love.  I have drawn you with loving kindness…..  Jeremiah 31:3

I have chosen you, not rejected you

Dear Child of God,

       I isolate you.  Make you feel ashamed.  You wake up to faces flying through the walls.   And spiders engulfing you. You are afraid to move.  Sometimes, you don’t know what is real.  And so you keep quiet.  I make you feel so alone.  And I whisper in your ear that if you let people in, you will not only be alone.. but you will also be rejected.  And since I have spent a lifetime driving the fear of rejection deep into your soul, you won’t take the path of vulnerability.  I make sure of it.  The moment you step out, I harm you.  I shame you.  Terrify your mind.  But you do have a choice.  You can live in my rejection and fear.  You can live according to how I’ve made you feel.  Or you can choose to believe what God has to say.  Even when it is so hard to fathom.   I try to distract you so that you will not remember that  God says that you are His chosen.  Chosen.   And that even on those days when you can’t muster the energy for just one more  moment, He is holding you up.  And many times, that means that He places His people directly in your path.  To hold your hand.  And hold you up.  And help you.  Never forget that you are chosen.  And certainly not rejected.  You are His dearly, loved child.

 Sincerely,

           Depression

You are my servant;  I have chosen you, not rejected you.   So do not fear for I am with you.  Do not be dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will uphgold you with my righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:9 NIV

The Years the Locusts have Eaten

Dear Child of God,

         I swallow you whole.  And I convince you that this is forever.  You feel so overwhelmed and ashamed that you don’t know if you can go on one more moment.  You take a knife into the bathroom.  That fire lit inside of you – it drives you to do things you would ordinarily not choose.  You begin to take that knife and cut into your arm.  But before you complete the task before you, you listen to that still small voice inside.  This time it is not me.  This is the voice of God asking you to stop.  Because you, dear child, still have so much life before you.  If you let God carry you through and be patient with the process, you won’t regret it.  God will bless you so abundantly throughout, but especially, on the other side of this storm.  I want you to keep your eyes fixed on your pain and hurt.  But don’t do it.  Keep your eyes fixed on God.  Let others hold you up.  And then, one day, when you have made it through, you will see the abundant blessings that God has lavished upon you.

 Sincerely,

                                                   Depression

I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.  Joel 2:25

Walk by Faith

Dear Child of God,

      I don’t want you to make it through even one more day.   Or even one moment.  I want you defeated.  I plan on robbing you of joy so that you will end your life.  But I have to admit, you are stronger than I first thought.  I have whispered lie after lie.  Until you dread life itself.  You hurt so much.  You are empty.  You’ve even given up.  But still, you keep returning to God even though I have convinced you that He is not there.  My bleak darkness engulfs your mind, your heart – and clouds your vision.  You see what’s not there.  And you cannot see the good that God wraps you in.  But deep in your soul, you know.  You know He is there.  Dear Child, God has never left you.  You have to hold onto what you know to be true.   Hold onto God’s goodness, His grace, His love.  Even if I suffocate you, keep walking in faith.  Keep holding onto truth.  Because as long as I can lie to you, and convince you that your faith is obsolete, I will keep attacking you.  I will never leave you alone.  Never.  But what I don’t want to you to see is that God will also never leave you alone.  He will sustain you though.  He will carry you at times.  Just keep walking in faith. 

                                                  Sincerely yours,

                                                               Depression

 

For we walk by faith, not by sight   2 Corinthians 5:7