Go Away!

Dear Anxiety,

GO AWAY! In the name of God, my Father, leave me!

That is what I should be shouting. Instead, I cower. But it isn’t going to be the same anymore. I am going to talk back to my anxiety. Rule over it. I’m going to keep doing things anyway. I can’t drive on the interstate. But I am going to conquer that because I want to see a precious woman that changed my life. But between me and her lay some interstate. Well, Devil, I’m telling you its over. I will conquer my fear and go out for an adventure.

Child of God

Anxiety Lies

Child of Mine,

Lies. That is what is in your head. All lies. You know it, and yet, you still seem to beleive them. You think, God doesn’t care about my life. He doesn’t care about this dreadful feeling that takes over when I do something new. Your anxiety takes over your life and prevents you from living. Really living. You have every power of heaven before you to lead an abundant life. But you don’t. You cower.

But it doesn’t have to continue to be like this. Take a step out in faith. Let my favor souround you, inhale my peace, and let me hold you steady. Live like you mean it. Be bold.

Love,

  God

The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.    Proverbs 28:1

Out of the Darkness

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Child of Mine,

You’ve been peeking out of the darkness for awhile. Bipolar depression has laid its heavy hand on your heart making you feel further and further away. But you didn’t give up. I am such a proud Daddy. I know it would be easier if you were here with me but you know that I have important work for you to do. Even if you don’t always feel it, you know your family and friends need you. You are unique. I created you for a purpose. So, do not fear. Come all the way out of the darkness and into the light. Keep doing the things that make you healthy. Read your Bible. Go to Celebrate Recovery. See your therapist. Journal. Sing praises to me. Speak the name of Jesus over all. Do it all. It’s worth the fight. You are worth the fight.

Love,

Your “Abba” Father

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9 NIV

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Dear  Borderline Personality Disorder,

You are always with me.  That loud voice crying for relief.  Crying out for me to cut myself. And, even sometimes, kill myself.  I used to think you’d diminish with time.  That over time, you would quiet.  But the truth is, if I simply let you lie dormant, your voice doesn’t diminish – it gets louder.  And my anxiety soars.   And my depression grows deeper.  And soon an anguish to hurt myself becomes an unquenchable addiction that takes over my whole life.  And so, I’ve discovered, if I want to live, I have to fight for it with all I’ve got.  I have to examine my thoughts and rewrite the truth.  I have to take all my medicine.  I have to journal my days so I can see where I am sabotaging myself.  I have to have accountability.  I have to have encouragement and friendship to spur me on.  I have to actively work my Celebrate Recovery Program.  I have to work my hardest for my counselor.  And pray.   Pray for God’s direction.  His deliverance.

Sincerely,

     Child of God

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Dear Depression,

Sometimes your darkness swallows me and then gnaws at the core of my soul.  It hurts so deep and so hard.  Unbearable.  A consuming fire.  Your flames surround me.  You trap me, screaming at me that I am not worth it.  But that is where your power ends.  Because I know what God says about my worth.  You can set my emotions ablaze.  And rip my heart right out of my chest.  But as long as I know you lie, I win.  I know that God is unchanging.  And I know  His love for me remains constant.  I know I am His chosen.  So, keep raging with in me.  Go right ahead.  You won’t keep me down.  I have God on my side. You WILL still lose this battle.

Child of God

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7

 

 

…to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit….

Dear Child of God,

I cover you in ashes and darkness and whisper hopelessness into your life.  But it’s lies.  And deception is  the only power I have over you.     But, your God is greater.  Your God is stronger.   Just focus your eyes on Him through it all .  Through the darkness.  Through the ashes that cling to you.  Through the emotions of hopelessness.  And when you emerge on the other side,  you will clearly see fingerprints of God woven through your struggle.  And where you thought you were covered in ashes and darkness, you will finally see God’s light shining through every crevice…. lighting your way as you struggled your way out of your darkness and shame and into the very arms of your Heavenly Father.

Depression

To grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.

Isaiah 61:3

 

As Iron Sharpens Iron, so One Person Sharpens Another.

Dear Child of God,

You live in a physical body.  And God is not physically tangible.   Yes, there are seasons where you may be lonely but if I can convince you that you need God and ONLY God, you begin to get lost in the physical loneliness.   But God did not create you for isolation.  You, dear child, need hugs and encouragement and accountability.  God did not create you to suffer alone.  No, He created us to need one another.  He created us for victory.

Sincerely,

Depression

 

 

 

 

God is Light; in Him there is NO Darkness at all

Dear child of God,

       I know this is a hard day for you.  You miss your Dad.  Like Crazy.  And Father’s Day brings exposes a lot of raw grief.   And I will take advantage of you when you are so vulnerable.  You wish you had one last hug, you replay the moments that he was coherent and responded with the determination that he always had.  You have a thousand “what ifs.”   But right here, child of God, is where you make your choice.   You can recall these moments with bitterness and believe that God was cruel.   Or you can see God’s light shining through those last moments – even when your heart was so astray and hurting.  You can choose to keep your eyes upon Jesus.  And trust that He is good and perfect.  And choose to rejoice that your dad is not in the darkness of this world but in the perfect light that Jesus shines upon him.

 So, dear child, this may be a difficult day.  But don’t let me rob you of the joy you can feel looking back upon his life.  You can choose to rejoice.  

                                   Depression             

 

God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all.  

1 John 1:5

Do Not be Afraid or Discouraged….. for the Battle is not yours, but God’s.

Dear Depression,

I hate you.  You really suck the life out of me.  Period.  You sneak up on me and send my brain spiraling out of control.  You consume me and I hate it…. a lot.

But that’s where your control stops.

Jesus is my deliverer.   So, even though you think you are winning, you are not.   Because no matter how defeated I feel, God is still working in me and through me.  That may be the only reason I keep holding on.

And even if I can’t make it anymore – you have still lost.  Because this was never my battle to fight.  God fights for me.

And He ALWAYS wins.

Sincerely,

Child of God

 

Do Not be Afraid or Discouraged….. for the Battle is not yours, but God’s.                                                                                                                                   2 Chronicles 20:15 NIV

He Heard my Cry for Mercy

Dear Child of God,

  I watch you seek help in all the wrong places.  And I know that as long as you refuse to wholly give your burden over to Jesus – you will never step out of the hurt.  And into life….. your life as God has always intended for you.  I encourage you to pull away from others and further into darkness.  I lie to you and tell you that you are not relying on God when you allow others into the tough, dark places.   But, God doesn’t want you in isolation.  In fact, God chooses to work through people.   He beautifully orchestrates your life with others’ to glorify Himself through your healing.  He WILL bring wholeness in your life.   Just keep your eyes on Him and I will not be able to destroy you.

   Always yours,

                    Depression 

 

 

 

 

 

I love the Lord, for He heard my voice;  he heard my cry for mercy.   Because He turned my ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live.      Psalm 116:1-2