Love. That’s all I want. I know I am loved by family. And my forever family at Celebrate Recovery. But I am so numb from a few decades of self bashing that I can’t feel from anyone else what I despise in myself.. My brain is so crowded with ‘I hate myself,’ I’m worthless,’ ‘I’m hopeless,’ “l am ashamed to be me’ ………… that I don’t have room to hear an “I love you” or believe that a friend truly wants to spend the afternoon with me.
But I don’t have stay in this place. God is at work and I trust He will continue to shower me with love, and one day soon, this complacent numbness will wane away into a beatiful sunrise in which I can feel the love God has saturated me with all along.