Go Away!

Dear Anxiety,

GO AWAY! In the name of God, my Father, leave me!

That is what I should be shouting. Instead, I cower. But it isn’t going to be the same anymore. I am going to talk back to my anxiety. Rule over it. I’m going to keep doing things anyway. I can’t drive on the interstate. But I am going to conquer that because I want to see a precious woman that changed my life. But between me and her lay some interstate. Well, Devil, I’m telling you its over. I will conquer my fear and go out for an adventure.

Child of God

Anxiety Lies

Child of Mine,

Lies. That is what is in your head. All lies. You know it, and yet, you still seem to beleive them. You think, God doesn’t care about my life. He doesn’t care about this dreadful feeling that takes over when I do something new. Your anxiety takes over your life and prevents you from living. Really living. You have every power of heaven before you to lead an abundant life. But you don’t. You cower.

But it doesn’t have to continue to be like this. Take a step out in faith. Let my favor souround you, inhale my peace, and let me hold you steady. Live like you mean it. Be bold.

Love,

  God

The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.    Proverbs 28:1

Out of the Darkness

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Child of Mine,

You’ve been peeking out of the darkness for awhile. Bipolar depression has laid its heavy hand on your heart making you feel further and further away. But you didn’t give up. I am such a proud Daddy. I know it would be easier if you were here with me but you know that I have important work for you to do. Even if you don’t always feel it, you know your family and friends need you. You are unique. I created you for a purpose. So, do not fear. Come all the way out of the darkness and into the light. Keep doing the things that make you healthy. Read your Bible. Go to Celebrate Recovery. See your therapist. Journal. Sing praises to me. Speak the name of Jesus over all. Do it all. It’s worth the fight. You are worth the fight.

Love,

Your “Abba” Father

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9 NIV

But you are A CHOSEN RACE, A royal PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR God’s OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;

Dear Depression,

There are some days that you torture me so much that I am ready to tear my insides out.  The emptiness and loneliness inside me becomes an all consuming fire.  And that’s when I know that I need to check back into reality.  I know, for a fact, that God has put people in my life who pour out His love me to me.  And, most importantly, God chose me.  I wasn’t an accident.  He hasn’t forgotten me.  And He hasn’t discarded me.  No, the truth is, He chose me.  I am precious in His eyes.  Loved.

Sincerely,

Child of God

But you are A CHOSEN RACE, A royal PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR God’s OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;    1 Peter 2:9

…to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit….

Dear Child of God,

I cover you in ashes and darkness and whisper hopelessness into your life.  But it’s lies.  And deception is  the only power I have over you.     But, your God is greater.  Your God is stronger.   Just focus your eyes on Him through it all .  Through the darkness.  Through the ashes that cling to you.  Through the emotions of hopelessness.  And when you emerge on the other side,  you will clearly see fingerprints of God woven through your struggle.  And where you thought you were covered in ashes and darkness, you will finally see God’s light shining through every crevice…. lighting your way as you struggled your way out of your darkness and shame and into the very arms of your Heavenly Father.

Depression

To grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.

Isaiah 61:3

 

As Iron Sharpens Iron, so One Person Sharpens Another.

Dear Child of God,

You live in a physical body.  And God is not physically tangible.   Yes, there are seasons where you may be lonely but if I can convince you that you need God and ONLY God, you begin to get lost in the physical loneliness.   But God did not create you for isolation.  You, dear child, need hugs and encouragement and accountability.  God did not create you to suffer alone.  No, He created us to need one another.  He created us for victory.

Sincerely,

Depression

 

 

 

 

God is Light; in Him there is NO Darkness at all

Dear child of God,

       I know this is a hard day for you.  You miss your Dad.  Like Crazy.  And Father’s Day brings exposes a lot of raw grief.   And I will take advantage of you when you are so vulnerable.  You wish you had one last hug, you replay the moments that he was coherent and responded with the determination that he always had.  You have a thousand “what ifs.”   But right here, child of God, is where you make your choice.   You can recall these moments with bitterness and believe that God was cruel.   Or you can see God’s light shining through those last moments – even when your heart was so astray and hurting.  You can choose to keep your eyes upon Jesus.  And trust that He is good and perfect.  And choose to rejoice that your dad is not in the darkness of this world but in the perfect light that Jesus shines upon him.

 So, dear child, this may be a difficult day.  But don’t let me rob you of the joy you can feel looking back upon his life.  You can choose to rejoice.  

                                   Depression             

 

God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all.  

1 John 1:5

You will know the Truth and the Truth will set You Free

Dear Child of God,

Sometimes I whisper in your ear.   Disguised as your own internal monologue.    But sometimes, I use others to sabotage you. I’ve already convinced you that you do not have worth.   But then, I enlist others to do my work for me.  I don’t even have to whisper “worthless”  or  “broken” in your ear anymore.  I use the judgment of  others.  And after being the sounding board of  criticism and judgment for decades – you believe that’s how all other people think. You think judgment and condemnation are normal and it lays heavy on your shoulders wherever you go.  It is hard  to wrap your brain around an alternate reality.  The true reality.  Not a warped vision of the truth.   A reality that says that those who are so judgmental are also deeply hurting and sick.  A reality that says that you are NOT broken beyond repair or worthless in God’s sight.   A reality that is kinder and gentler than one you had ever envisioned.    And a reality in which, when those judgmental people do come, you can dismiss them.  A reality in which you have a choice.  You can choose to believe what the sick world says or what the word of God says about you.  The truth that God dearly loves you.  Hold that truth close to your heart.   And when I try to contradict that truth… when I try to twist it – hold it up next to The Truth.  And you will be set free. 

                                            Sincerely,

                                                Depression

 

Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.  John 8:32  NIV

Finally be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power

Dear Child of God,

       I whisper in your ear all day long.  I tell you how much you hate yourself.  I interpret your own awkwardness for rejection and failure.  I stab your heart and convince you that you are not strong enough to survive.  And you carry my heavy burden.  I distract you and overwhelm you with emotion.  Because I don’t want you to know how much Jesus loves you.  I want you cold and disconnected.  But, the truth is that you have the power of the God of the Universe living inside you.  If you refuse me, He conquers me.  If you listen to my voice whispering in your ear, you will continue to struggle.  The choice is yours.  As God’s chosen, you have the power to overcome.  You are strong.  Because He is strong.

 

 Sincerely,

    Depression

   Finally be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.                                                        Ephesians 6:10

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I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

Dear Child of God,

    I put that suffocating shame and suffering in your soul.  You want nothing more to be free from your own self.  I overwhelm you.  Sometimes it’s grief.  Sometimes it’s rejection.  And sometimes I give you no reason for the burden that lays so heavily on your chest.  And for a time, I overpower you.  I relentlessly put the obsession in your mind to cut.  Just to end the searing emotional pain.  And I win you over.  You argue with me.  But in the end, I win.   And then, you regret the mark of pain .  And yet, at the same time, the physical pain was such a relief from the condemning hurt that usually tears throughout your body.  I whisper hate into your heart for what you do that you do not even desire to do.  And that hate turns to shame.  But I am a liar.  God does not condemn you.  Not even when you make the wrong choice.  And He also gives you freedom.  Freedom to change.  You CAN do the next right thing and let God change you from the inside out.  He CAN deliver you.

                     Sincerely

                              Depression

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.                                                                                                                                                  Romans 7:15

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.   Psalm 107:6