Letters from Depression

I have Loved You with an Everlasting Love

Dear Child of God,

 I hate you.  It’s simple.  I want you dead.  If not physically, spiritually.  It all started with a little lie I whisper in your ear each morning, “I hate myself.”   You consider it your own voice but it’s not.  It’s mine.  But soon that whisper became a blaring siren that you awoke to each morning.  As your body and mind fell further and further into sickness possessed by anxiety that throbbed through your entire body and robbed you of all your peace and rational thinking, you began to act upon that loathing hate of yourself.   At first it was just a little cut.  But soon, it numbed your deep, deep pain.  And you would cut and slice and slit until a towel was soaked in blood.  Simply because I lied to you.  And you believed you were worthless and deserved to die.   I hide the truth in your emotional pain.  I don’t want you to know that God loves you with an everlasting love.  I  tell you that His love excludes you because you have fallen into such a deep, deep abyss.  But that not true.  He loves you.  He picks up the broken, bleeding, painful pieces.  And  because He is so gentle,  He whispers to you, “I have loved you with an everlasting love,” and He loves you into His gentle, sweet wholeness that only He could bring.




The Lord appeared to me in the past saying, “I have loved you with an everlasting love.  I have drawn you with loving kindness…..  Jeremiah 31:3