The Years the Locusts have Eaten

Dear Child of God,

         I swallow you whole.  And I convince you that this is forever.  You feel so overwhelmed and ashamed that you don’t know if you can go on one more moment.  You take a knife into the bathroom.  That fire lit inside of you – it drives you to do things you would ordinarily not choose.  You begin to take that knife and cut into your arm.  But before you complete the task before you, you listen to that still small voice inside.  This time it is not me.  This is the voice of God asking you to stop.  Because you, dear child, still have so much life before you.  If you let God carry you through and be patient with the process, you won’t regret it.  God will bless you so abundantly throughout, but especially, on the other side of this storm.  I want you to keep your eyes fixed on your pain and hurt.  But don’t do it.  Keep your eyes fixed on God.  Let others hold you up.  And then, one day, when you have made it through, you will see the abundant blessings that God has lavished upon you.

 Sincerely,

                                                   Depression

I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.  Joel 2:25

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways

 Dear Depression,

       You pull me down. And yet, today, I stand outside myself.  And I have so many questions.  Like, why is there such a strong pull toward unhealthy coping strategies?  I know what the healthy choice is, and yet, I still find myself buried in temptation to surrender to self-destruction.  Why is that?  And why do I feel squashed under dysfunction and others stand up under the pressure?  Why is self harm and suicide even an option in my mind?  Why do they seem like logical options? Why do I even consider when I know the heartache it causes my family?  Why is this impulse to self destruct so strong? Yet, no  answers.  I can’t understand.  I may never understand.  I can only trust that God has some good that He will bring out of this difficult season.

         Child of God

 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

 

As Iron Sharpens Iron, so One Person Sharpens Another.

Dear Child of God,

You live in a physical body.  And God is not physically tangible.   Yes, there are seasons where you may be lonely but if I can convince you that you need God and ONLY God, you begin to get lost in the physical loneliness.   But God did not create you for isolation.  You, dear child, need hugs and encouragement and accountability.  God did not create you to suffer alone.  No, He created us to need one another.  He created us for victory.

Sincerely,

Depression

 

 

 

 

God is Light; in Him there is NO Darkness at all

Dear child of God,

       I know this is a hard day for you.  You miss your Dad.  Like Crazy.  And Father’s Day brings exposes a lot of raw grief.   And I will take advantage of you when you are so vulnerable.  You wish you had one last hug, you replay the moments that he was coherent and responded with the determination that he always had.  You have a thousand “what ifs.”   But right here, child of God, is where you make your choice.   You can recall these moments with bitterness and believe that God was cruel.   Or you can see God’s light shining through those last moments – even when your heart was so astray and hurting.  You can choose to keep your eyes upon Jesus.  And trust that He is good and perfect.  And choose to rejoice that your dad is not in the darkness of this world but in the perfect light that Jesus shines upon him.

 So, dear child, this may be a difficult day.  But don’t let me rob you of the joy you can feel looking back upon his life.  You can choose to rejoice.  

                                   Depression             

 

God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all.  

1 John 1:5

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Do Not be Afraid or Discouraged….. for the Battle is not yours, but God’s.

Dear Depression,

I hate you.  You really suck the life out of me.  Period.  You sneak up on me and send my brain spiraling out of control.  You consume me and I hate it…. a lot.

But that’s where your control stops.

Jesus is my deliverer.   So, even though you think you are winning, you are not.   Because no matter how defeated I feel, God is still working in me and through me.  That may be the only reason I keep holding on.

And even if I can’t make it anymore – you have still lost.  Because this was never my battle to fight.  God fights for me.

And He ALWAYS wins.

Sincerely,

Child of God

 

Do Not be Afraid or Discouraged….. for the Battle is not yours, but God’s.                                                                                                                                   2 Chronicles 20:15 NIV

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord.

Dear Child of God,

             I steal hope from you.  And without hope, you are powerless, burdened, and ashamed.  You are broken.   You stare blankly into my eyes, and all you see is your fear staring back at you.    That fear breeds an emptiness that aches so deep in your soul that you can’t see a way out.   You FEEL defeated.  You FEEL alone and worthless.   But that’s not truth.   You do not have to be enslaved to that fear and emptiness.  God has better plans for you.   Down in the deep of depression, the best and most precious gift that He gives is hope.   And with God,  there is always hope.   Child of God, don’t surrender your gift of hope.   You are worth so much more.  God has great plans for you.  He gives you, just as you are, a hope and a future.  

                       Sincerely Yours,

                                      Depression

 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11

He Heard my Cry for Mercy

Dear Child of God,

  I watch you seek help in all the wrong places.  And I know that as long as you refuse to wholly give your burden over to Jesus – you will never step out of the hurt.  And into life….. your life as God has always intended for you.  I encourage you to pull away from others and further into darkness.  I lie to you and tell you that you are not relying on God when you allow others into the tough, dark places.   But, God doesn’t want you in isolation.  In fact, God chooses to work through people.   He beautifully orchestrates your life with others’ to glorify Himself through your healing.  He WILL bring wholeness in your life.   Just keep your eyes on Him and I will not be able to destroy you.

   Always yours,

                    Depression 

 

 

 

 

 

I love the Lord, for He heard my voice;  he heard my cry for mercy.   Because He turned my ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live.      Psalm 116:1-2

You will know the Truth and the Truth will set You Free

Dear Child of God,

Sometimes I whisper in your ear.   Disguised as your own internal monologue.    But sometimes, I use others to sabotage you. I’ve already convinced you that you do not have worth.   But then, I enlist others to do my work for me.  I don’t even have to whisper “worthless”  or  “broken” in your ear anymore.  I use the judgment of  others.  And after being the sounding board of  criticism and judgment for decades – you believe that’s how all other people think. You think judgment and condemnation are normal and it lays heavy on your shoulders wherever you go.  It is hard  to wrap your brain around an alternate reality.  The true reality.  Not a warped vision of the truth.   A reality that says that those who are so judgmental are also deeply hurting and sick.  A reality that says that you are NOT broken beyond repair or worthless in God’s sight.   A reality that is kinder and gentler than one you had ever envisioned.    And a reality in which, when those judgmental people do come, you can dismiss them.  A reality in which you have a choice.  You can choose to believe what the sick world says or what the word of God says about you.  The truth that God dearly loves you.  Hold that truth close to your heart.   And when I try to contradict that truth… when I try to twist it – hold it up next to The Truth.  And you will be set free. 

                                            Sincerely,

                                                Depression

 

Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.  John 8:32  NIV

Finally be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power

Dear Child of God,

       I whisper in your ear all day long.  I tell you how much you hate yourself.  I interpret your own awkwardness for rejection and failure.  I stab your heart and convince you that you are not strong enough to survive.  And you carry my heavy burden.  I distract you and overwhelm you with emotion.  Because I don’t want you to know how much Jesus loves you.  I want you cold and disconnected.  But, the truth is that you have the power of the God of the Universe living inside you.  If you refuse me, He conquers me.  If you listen to my voice whispering in your ear, you will continue to struggle.  The choice is yours.  As God’s chosen, you have the power to overcome.  You are strong.  Because He is strong.

 

 Sincerely,

    Depression

   Finally be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.                                                        Ephesians 6:10


 

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

Dear Child of God,

    I put that suffocating shame and suffering in your soul.  You want nothing more to be free from your own self.  I overwhelm you.  Sometimes it’s grief.  Sometimes it’s rejection.  And sometimes I give you no reason for the burden that lays so heavily on your chest.  And for a time, I overpower you.  I relentlessly put the obsession in your mind to cut.  Just to end the searing emotional pain.  And I win you over.  You argue with me.  But in the end, I win.   And then, you regret the mark of pain .  And yet, at the same time, the physical pain was such a relief from the condemning hurt that usually tears throughout your body.  I whisper hate into your heart for what you do that you do not even desire to do.  And that hate turns to shame.  But I am a liar.  God does not condemn you.  Not even when you make the wrong choice.  And He also gives you freedom.  Freedom to change.  You CAN do the next right thing and let God change you from the inside out.  He CAN deliver you.

                     Sincerely

                              Depression

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.                                                                                                                                                  Romans 7:15

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.   Psalm 107:6

 

 

 

 

 

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Dear Child of God,

When I find you crying, sobbing and alone, I smile.    Especially when you dry your tears, put on a strong countenance, hide the emptiness inside…… and act as though you are perfectly healthy and strong.   I smile because I know as long as you pretend to be strong, it’s a lie, and that lie isolates you.  And you were not created to be hurting alone.  But when you finally allow yourself to be vulnerable, I cringe.  Because I know how God works. Transparency eventually finds healing as you as reach out and your shame dissipates a little at a time.  You will see all the hurting around you.  And your heart will be softened and encouraged as you let others into your story.   Into the raw places of your soul.  Your tears are no longer alone.  The aching in your heart, the emptiness, the shame – it’s shared.   And when it’s shared, you WILL overcome.  God will heal your breaking heart.  And your story, well, it’s no longer in vain.  The shattered, broken pieces of your life are restored, in the glorious light, to life.

 Faithfully Yours,

                    Depression                                           Untitled

 

                                                                                                                      

                                       

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.  Galatians 6:2