The Years the Locusts have Eaten

Dear Child of God,

         I swallow you whole.  And I convince you that this is forever.  You feel so overwhelmed and ashamed that you don’t know if you can go on one more moment.  You take a knife into the bathroom.  That fire lit inside of you – it drives you to do things you would ordinarily not choose.  You begin to take that knife and cut into your arm.  But before you complete the task before you, you listen to that still small voice inside.  This time it is not me.  This is the voice of God asking you to stop.  Because you, dear child, still have so much life before you.  If you let God carry you through and be patient with the process, you won’t regret it.  God will bless you so abundantly throughout, but especially, on the other side of this storm.  I want you to keep your eyes fixed on your pain and hurt.  But don’t do it.  Keep your eyes fixed on God.  Let others hold you up.  And then, one day, when you have made it through, you will see the abundant blessings that God has lavished upon you.

 Sincerely,

                                                   Depression

I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.  Joel 2:25

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Many are saying of me, “God will not deliver him.”

Dear Depression,

     I appreciate the days that are good.  So very good. My mind  and spirit are calm and reasonable.  That deep ache inside my gut fades into the background instead of pounding me to a pulp.  I have to remember these days when you press on me hard and long.  If there were no hope, there would be no reason to keep fighting you.  But there is hope.  God gives me hope.  Even if He doesn’t fully restore me, He can walk me through your storm.  And eventually, even if it is heaven, I WILL have victory.

 Sincerely,

                                                                   Child of God

Many are saying of me, “God will not deliver him.” But you, LORD, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.  I call out to the LORD, and he answers me from his holy mountain.  I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.  I will not fear though tens of thousands assail me on every side.
         Psalm 3:2-6

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Dear Depression,

Sometimes your darkness swallows me and then gnaws at the core of my soul.  It hurts so deep and so hard.  Unbearable.  A consuming fire.  Your flames surround me.  You trap me, screaming at me that I am not worth it.  But that is where your power ends.  Because I know what God says about my worth.  You can set my emotions ablaze.  And rip my heart right out of my chest.  But as long as I know you lie, I win.  I know that God is unchanging.  And I know  His love for me remains constant.  I know I am His chosen.  So, keep raging with in me.  Go right ahead.  You won’t keep me down.  I have God on my side. You WILL still lose this battle.

Child of God

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7

 

 

…to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit….

Dear Child of God,

I cover you in ashes and darkness and whisper hopelessness into your life.  But it’s lies.  And deception is  the only power I have over you.     But, your God is greater.  Your God is stronger.   Just focus your eyes on Him through it all .  Through the darkness.  Through the ashes that cling to you.  Through the emotions of hopelessness.  And when you emerge on the other side,  you will clearly see fingerprints of God woven through your struggle.  And where you thought you were covered in ashes and darkness, you will finally see God’s light shining through every crevice…. lighting your way as you struggled your way out of your darkness and shame and into the very arms of your Heavenly Father.

Depression

To grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.

Isaiah 61:3

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Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the Devil’s schemes….

Dear Devil…. the author of my depression,

You can try your best to keep me down.  But I am a fighter.  I know your ways.  You try to isolate me and weave paranoia into my life.  But I refuse to push people away.  I will choose to be vulnerable and authentic.  And that forms deep, Christ-like relationships.  And if my goal is authenticity and sharing God’s love,  I will win. So, Devil, take a hike.  It’s all over for you.

Sincerely,

Child of God

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways

 Dear Depression,

       You pull me down. And yet, today, I stand outside myself.  And I have so many questions.  Like, why is there such a strong pull toward unhealthy coping strategies?  I know what the healthy choice is, and yet, I still find myself buried in temptation to surrender to self-destruction.  Why is that?  And why do I feel squashed under dysfunction and others stand up under the pressure?  Why is self harm and suicide even an option in my mind?  Why do they seem like logical options? Why do I even consider when I know the heartache it causes my family?  Why is this impulse to self destruct so strong? Yet, no  answers.  I can’t understand.  I may never understand.  I can only trust that God has some good that He will bring out of this difficult season.

         Child of God

 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

 

As Iron Sharpens Iron, so One Person Sharpens Another.

Dear Child of God,

You live in a physical body.  And God is not physically tangible.   Yes, there are seasons where you may be lonely but if I can convince you that you need God and ONLY God, you begin to get lost in the physical loneliness.   But God did not create you for isolation.  You, dear child, need hugs and encouragement and accountability.  God did not create you to suffer alone.  No, He created us to need one another.  He created us for victory.

Sincerely,

Depression

 

 

 

 

God is Light; in Him there is NO Darkness at all

Dear child of God,

       I know this is a hard day for you.  You miss your Dad.  Like Crazy.  And Father’s Day brings exposes a lot of raw grief.   And I will take advantage of you when you are so vulnerable.  You wish you had one last hug, you replay the moments that he was coherent and responded with the determination that he always had.  You have a thousand “what ifs.”   But right here, child of God, is where you make your choice.   You can recall these moments with bitterness and believe that God was cruel.   Or you can see God’s light shining through those last moments – even when your heart was so astray and hurting.  You can choose to keep your eyes upon Jesus.  And trust that He is good and perfect.  And choose to rejoice that your dad is not in the darkness of this world but in the perfect light that Jesus shines upon him.

 So, dear child, this may be a difficult day.  But don’t let me rob you of the joy you can feel looking back upon his life.  You can choose to rejoice.  

                                   Depression             

 

God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all.  

1 John 1:5

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Do Not be Afraid or Discouraged….. for the Battle is not yours, but God’s.

Dear Depression,

I hate you.  You really suck the life out of me.  Period.  You sneak up on me and send my brain spiraling out of control.  You consume me and I hate it…. a lot.

But that’s where your control stops.

Jesus is my deliverer.   So, even though you think you are winning, you are not.   Because no matter how defeated I feel, God is still working in me and through me.  That may be the only reason I keep holding on.

And even if I can’t make it anymore – you have still lost.  Because this was never my battle to fight.  God fights for me.

And He ALWAYS wins.

Sincerely,

Child of God

 

Do Not be Afraid or Discouraged….. for the Battle is not yours, but God’s.                                                                                                                                   2 Chronicles 20:15 NIV

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord.

Dear Child of God,

             I steal hope from you.  And without hope, you are powerless, burdened, and ashamed.  You are broken.   You stare blankly into my eyes, and all you see is your fear staring back at you.    That fear breeds an emptiness that aches so deep in your soul that you can’t see a way out.   You FEEL defeated.  You FEEL alone and worthless.   But that’s not truth.   You do not have to be enslaved to that fear and emptiness.  God has better plans for you.   Down in the deep of depression, the best and most precious gift that He gives is hope.   And with God,  there is always hope.   Child of God, don’t surrender your gift of hope.   You are worth so much more.  God has great plans for you.  He gives you, just as you are, a hope and a future.  

                       Sincerely Yours,

                                      Depression

 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11

He Heard my Cry for Mercy

Dear Child of God,

  I watch you seek help in all the wrong places.  And I know that as long as you refuse to wholly give your burden over to Jesus – you will never step out of the hurt.  And into life….. your life as God has always intended for you.  I encourage you to pull away from others and further into darkness.  I lie to you and tell you that you are not relying on God when you allow others into the tough, dark places.   But, God doesn’t want you in isolation.  In fact, God chooses to work through people.   He beautifully orchestrates your life with others’ to glorify Himself through your healing.  He WILL bring wholeness in your life.   Just keep your eyes on Him and I will not be able to destroy you.

   Always yours,

                    Depression 

 

 

 

 

 

I love the Lord, for He heard my voice;  he heard my cry for mercy.   Because He turned my ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live.      Psalm 116:1-2